Varanasi Trip

In December 2005, my dad had this wonderful idea of spending his last LTA(leave travel allowance), before retiring, on a trip to the holiest of all places in India - Varanasi.
It was winter holidays at IIIT and I had just joined the robotics group. My professor, after I informed him about my piligrimage, told me what I could do during the travel and hotel stays - read a bunch of papers and form a basis for my thesis. Of course, those were the initial days and I was really enthusiastic and I did take a truck-load of research papers along with me. And I am shi***ng you not, I did read a couple of them on the fourth day of my trip. The reasons for which you would know later on. After the end of each of the first two days, I wrote a mail to my friends about what I felt about Varanasi. Here's what I wrote:

mail dated dec 22, 2005:

hi fellows,

now am in kaasi. visiting lot of temples daily. everything here is 'viswanath' mandir and the second language here is not urdu,not english, not bengali but our own telugu. you go near the temple side and everyone can understand and speak telugu. thats because andhrites are the largest number of visitors. guides can instantly recognize telugu ppl(even if u r not talking telugu) and come running to u offering this that and blah blah exploiting poor fellows. telugu ppl are easily fooled here, every hundi here has three languages written on it, hindi, eng and telugu. every poojari is an outright as***le, even the main pujari is no exception, everyone expects money, ppl call u into temples just like our 7 seater drivers, i was so ashamed to call myself a brahmin coz every brahmin here thinks he is the messenger of god. traffic is hell, u wouldn't want to drive a car here coz u'll never reach ur destination. u want to go by walk then the road is full of shit/dung and the famous banarasi pan. till yesterday i couldn't find any kind of bhakti here. today was a bit better, had bath in the ganga and visited a 200 BC dated buddhist site, saw the great ashoka pillar and the great 'lion capital' (the one after which india got its national symbol...4 lions ashoka chakra) that was really splendid. i went to the actual excavation site. visited japanese,chinese,thai buddhist temples, lot better than our temples. tomorrow we are going to vindhyachal and allahabad to see prayag..triveni sangamam. ppl say one has to be lucky to come to kasi and that not everyone gets a chance. for now i don't find it so, let me see if i'll be lucky in the coming 3 days.

okey dokey dudes, bye .

mail dated dec 24, 2005:

hi fellows,
today's trip was a worser experience, my dad emptied his pockets at every temple with the 'supposed' priests yelling and pleading asking us to come inside. nearly 2500 was spent on today's trip(including boat fare dakshina blah blah) for now i am thinking of converting to Christianity, baptize myself, change my name to karthikeya 'john' viswanath and celebrate christmas tomorrow. saw many 'historic' places again today where maa durga killed a rakshas, sitaji cooked meal for ramji, drank water from the well where ramji too drank..the pandit said water will be sweet but i only saw bacteria in it and drank it coz i was 'ordered' to do so, gave food to sea gulls and langurs but none of those brought any peace to my mind. i am missing my dear hyderabad so much, i dont even miss guntur this much, hyderabad is better in many ways i must confess, though it changes and corrupts people's mind, it still is the best.

perhaps i am the devil's son, u know, just like in the novel 'the omen' where the devil's son cries and becomes violent when he is taken inside a church, i too am getting revulsion for this supposedly holy city. this city is holy no doubt but the men sitting around the god have made this city more polluted than all the factories of india put together can ever hope of.

thats it from me fellows, bye c ya fellows soon on 31st,perhaps the soothing sight of hyderabad will settle me down. hope so.

I showed the above piece of writing to so many of my friends during the following years as it is very close to my heart. It was the first time I penned down an experience of mine and shared it with my friends, and it did succeed in bringing some peace of mind before I went to bed.
Those were the days when i was still a believer but, believe me, my belief was stretched to its limit after the trip. During the following many days, infact months, I used get cynical, gory, images before my eyes whenever I saw or imagined a shiv-ling. So after the first three days of the sensational shock, I preferred to stay indoors and let my mom and dad wallow in devotion. As for my professor, I read a couple of papers among the hundreds I had taken along.

"Indian Army will finish it off in 48hrs"

How many of you haven't heard this sentence being said by someone at some point of your life? Sitting in my train compartment I hear two well-educated(looking) stylish gentlemen discussing Pakistan-India, Bin Laden, 9/11 conspiracy theories and likewise. No complaints till now but suddenly the bald gentleman observes,"Give Indian Army 48 hours and they'll clear off Kashmir of all militants". Didn't know what to say.

As a kid, I used to hear my dad quip,"This Veerappan is a mess, give a green signal to Indian Army and they will finish him off in 48 hours". I used to believe him those days, needless to say, I no longer do. For those of you interested in knowing how complicated a task it was to nab him in the dense forests bordering Karnataka and TN, you could read this book.

A cousin of mine once said," you know, after the Kargil war Indian army had the opportunity to march till Islamabad and take over Pakistan! But our bloody bureaucrats and politicians didn't allow them to". He definitely overlooked the possibility of entire India getting nuked before the Indian army can even cross a hundred paces from LOC.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am ignorant.

Vegetarianism?

A few days back, in one of the orkut forums, i had a little debate with some vegetarians over the issue of why they believe people shouldn't eat meat. Here's how it went:
[Warning: long post. Jump to the final Q&A if you can't read the entire post]

ME: Hello all, i just checked my messages to see a particular message from the owner of this group whose profile says 'all you non-veggies c my new video' . So Mr.owner and all the others in this community, do you believe eating non-veg is bad? what exactly is your stance? eating non-veg is against god/ vegetarians are better than those who eat meat/non-veg tastes bad :P?
PS: I'm a strict vegetarian.

Veggie-boy1[Roughly translated to English]: As mentioned in the puranas, eating a dead animal is rakshasa culture and one who eats meat and commits sin is a rakshas. God doesn't care though if you eat meat or not. It's just that eating meat is a sin and thus one loses his way in his quest for god. More penance and devotion is required for non-veggies if they want to reach god. One can happily eat meat if one doesn't care he's committing a sin.

ME: If one follows evolutionary biology; out of the four great apes, namely, gorillas, chimpanzees, orangutans and humans, only humans are meat eaters. In fact there is a theory that says we could have separated from the ape lineage and become humans because we had to develop skills for hunting, paving the way for intelligence development. There is no doubt that agriculture started thousands of years after we started hunting and eating meat. We descended from meat eaters or, putting it in your way, we descended from rakshasas.
What i feel is we all have instincts to kill animals and eat them. No one can deny it, it's in our nature. Nurture made us, brahmins and other born vegetarians, loathe meat. At the age of 23, I've realised it's only a matter of food choice. I would eat it if i have to. Of course i would oppose any meat that comes from cruelty towards animals.

Veggie-boy2: what do you mean by saying, "Of course i would oppose any meat that comes from cruelty towards animals"? We can't obtain meat by not killing animals. In other words, non-veg itself is cruelty towards animals. That's why i put the PETA video in my profile which shows the cruelty towards animals from which meat is obtained.

[The PETA video shows pigs, chicken, cows and other animals being cruelly treated in farms, slaughter houses, transportation etc]

ME: There are ways to killing an animal. If you castrate a pig, clip its ears and tail when its young, boil and skin it alive, smash it to the ground and then eat its meat - that's cruelty. [That's what the video shows]
You don't go to a cheetah who kills a deer and say, 'hey, you are being cruel'. We are no different from a cheetah, just that we have alternative dietary options. I see no wrong in opting for meat.

Veggie-boy3: But we have a sense for justice, sin, virtue, compassion, kindness etc. That's why we are asking people to stop eating meat and not a cheetah! :P

ME: The question is whether to eat meat or avoid it and not whether to talk with a cheetah or not. :P My obvious reply to what you said would be, "so what if we have all those?"

Veggie-boy2: If tomorrow some scientist says that eating human flesh would cure AIDS, cancer or some other disease. Can one eat human flesh thinking it is also non-veg? Or if a dinosaur-like creature comes and starts eating men, would you encourage it saying,"once we also killed animals that are smaller than us and so the creature is justified killing us?". So, in my opinion, eating non-veg shouldn't be encouraged.

ME: The instinct for one's own survival is the greatest force that drives one's existence. The instinct to kill something else for your own survival is as human as the instinct of running away from something that's trying to kill you. The strongest reason why people don't hurt each other is because of the fear of consequences. There are other reasons like compassion etc etc but they are not the strongest.
Here's a little piece of fiction that might interest you. You and another man are inside a room. Your life is in danger as you have a deadly disease. The only way you can survive is by killing the other person and eating him or whatever. The circumstances are such that you can easily dispose of the body somewhere, nobody would ever know. The other fellow is no way related to you. So guilt won't follow you in the form of weeping mothers or sisters. Law wouldn't follow you either, you can escape unscathed. Faced with such a situation, how many of you would not opt to kill him? Of course people may say they would rather choose to die than kill, but if that is the case, think again.
Anyways i am digressing from the topic. What i was trying to say is that the only reason society became civilised is because men started to fear the consequences of their actions not because they developed compassion for their fellow beings. Compassion was an after-effect. Faced with the question of survival, nobody is kind.

Veggie-boy3: Mr. Thread starter, would you like it if somebody kills you? No, right? Similarly all animals hold on to their dear lives. Each animal has life, its own desires(sexual desires included). There are so many similarities between them and us. Just because we are more intelligent and stronger, how justified is it to kill them and eat? They have a desire to live. If you see the video, each single animal tried desperately to escape from its imminent death. Even after seeing it if you ask why eating meat is wrong then what should i think of you - that you don't have the capacity to think or arguing is your hobby? Wild animals can't live without eating meat. But we can. Can't we use our intelligence and strength to make them survive better instead of killing them?
One more thing - some people keep saying that even plants have life and isn't it a sin to kill them? I say it is not because to obtain what we want, we need not kill plants. As long as the root and stem are intact they can flower again. But animals can't grow their limbs again.

ME: How many of us have not killed ants, mosquitoes, worms, roaches etc without feeling any amount of remorse? Jains, they take this compassion to a different level, they tie a cloth around their nose so that they don't kill micro-organisms by inhaling them. Do you ever think of that? not killing microbes because they too have desires, some of them are sexual btw. Jains even don't eat roots, they don't eat potatoes or onions because to eat a root they have to kill the plant. Ever think of that buddy?
Coming to your plant theory, you say we don't kill a plant. How do you get your rice? You pluck of the plant and process it in gruesome machines to extract the grains in rice mills :P. Plants reproduce sexually as well. They endure pain as well if JC Bose is to be believed. Probably detaching a fruit from a plant is like detaching a limb from an animal, causing it more pain than killing it forever. Just because we don't see it wailing or begging for its life, you can't say you are not committing a sin. Of course you are; that is if you see killing other fellow living creatures as a sin.
There are fruitarians, vegans and groups with exotic names who only eat fruits that drop from a plant. They don't pluck cause they see it as giving pain to the plant. Do you have the guts to join them? Can you imagine your food without rice, potato fry or onion sambar? Think again. It's similar to those who eat chicken, they can't imagine their food without it either. They were born and brought up in it. They are compassionate as well, they strive for animal welfare as well. I have a bird watching friend who has done things to save flamingos and other migratory birds in India. She enjoys her chicken.
To sum it up, we all have our own levels of tolerance, levels of kindness and levels of compassion etc etc. Some can't think of killing microbes, while others can't kill plants while we can't kill animals. Be happy with what we are rather than be evangelists trying to change others into believing what we believe in. I rest my case here.

Shyamalan and 'The Happening'.

After much await i finally got my chance to watch the latest movie made by my favourite filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan - The Happening. Fully aware of the critical bashing the movie has received (20% from rotten tomatoes) I went to the movie unflinched. And disappointed I wasn't.

On my way to the theatre i kept thinking all about Shyamalan and his movies. My first tryst with his movies started when my sister narrated to me the story of a movie she had seen. It was sixth sense. My sister had always been good at narrating stories but this time the premise of the story caught my imagination. It was different - a child helping ghosts. I rented the cassette and saw the movie. It was great. The next movie of his, unbreakable, i saw it on cable - one day before my first year sem exams. Loved it as well. I was captivated by Shyamalan's treatment of the supernatural, Hitchcock style twists at the end of his movies, gripping build ups to the climax. At this point one of my all-time favourite movies and, in my view, his best film released. Signs. I watched the movie, along with my best friends from engineering, in the best theatre of Hyderabad in those days - Sangeeth. There are only a few books and movies which change the way you see this world. Signs was one such movie for me. I vividly remember getting mesmerised and hypnotised by the climax of the movie and how it was presented - Newton Howard's background score, Mel Gibson and Abigail Breslin's acting, the screenplay and everything. I came out of the theatre wondering what a genius Shyamalan is. I was so influenced by the movie that in the following days i started seeing everything as a sign sent to me by God. If the electricity went off while watching TV during exams, i thought it was a sign from above to get me reading books. If the computer crashed while playing games, i thought it was a sign to make me do some coding. If i missed the college bus, it was a sign to sit at home. I had regular arguments with people over the movie who found it stupid. I took it up as my evangelistic agenda to change people's view of the movie. I took great pains in explaining people that the movie is not about aliens but about faith - do you see a phenomenon as a coincidence or as a sign? Never stopped till they were convinced and agreed with me.

After a long gap 'The Village' was released. First day, first show and this time in prasads. Critics blasted the movie but I, along with other Shyamalan fanatics in the theatre attending the first show, clapped at the end of the movie. I whistled and whistled when i saw the credits on the screen mentioning shyamalan's name. I shouted with a boyish excitement when shayamalan made his unusual entry in the movie. Explained to my friend that it was shyamalan's voice - proud of my instant discovery. Seeing so much criticism directed at the movie 'Lady in the water' made me wonder whether i liked the movie because i adored him or i really liked the movie. I still don't know the answer. I liked the movie. The only disappointment was that there was no mega-twist at the end. It was a fairy-tale told the shyamalan way. No complaints.

So i reached the theatre and was ushered into Screen 5 in prasads - i never saw a movie in that but i heard it was initially built for private screenings. I hoped it would be big enough and deserving to screen a Shyamalan's movie. Alas, my hopes were shattered to see a puny theatre with a puny screen. "NO!!!!!", i declared when i saw the movie being screened in exactly 1/6th part of the already small 35mm screen. Had to control my destructive impulses (wanted to kill the manager who deemed the movie not worthy enough of a 70mm screening). The movie started and nothing else no longer mattered. I enjoyed the movie. I hope i can articulate why liked the movie(Spoiler Alert!):

For one, i never got bored and i am pretty sure nobody who watched the movie did. The movie is gripping. The general discontent with the movie might be because people feel the premise of the story is stupid and the lack of explanation for whatever that is Happening. To make a good movie both of them are not required. A movie maker need not have an agenda or a point to make in the movie. He also doesn't need to explain the reason for an event if he films and treats the screenplay of the event well. It's a human trait that we are dissatisfied if we can't know the proper reason for something. Shyamalan might have done a mistake there and i don't blame him for that because he would be damned if he gives the reason as it would be declared dumb! So instead he opted to leave it to our imagination. It is like reading a murder mystery novel with its last few pages, where the killer is revealed, torn off! It is for this reason all Indian movies follow the same mantra, a movie should end happily, a utopian climax no matter what - even if all the hero's family is dead but he manages to kill the villain and walks away happily with his lady love who, by the way, is never killed. Just because Shyamalan didn't follow a manual he is being persecuted. Not only the climax, even in the middle of the movie there are many scenes that do not have an explanation. In my view, none of them need one. The killing of the two boys, the crazy woman, an oscillating swing and few alike are all experiences faced by three people and the movie is told from their perspective. They themselves don't know the reason and we shouldn't expect to know either.

Coming to the finer details and why the tale gripped me; the movie was typical shyamalan. The movie is not fast paced but one never runs out of patience. He doesn't try to thrill with a sudden sound but by a carefully built up suspense terminated by a scary visual. He, like no one else can, managed to create few laughs in totally serious situations. I kept on guessing what would happen the next moment because the suspense never stopped. I am just re-repeating the word 'gripping' because of a reason. When the movie was stopped in the middle of a scene for intermission everybody went 'Aaaaaaargh..' in unison because each one of us were so captivated by that scene and were irritated by the interruption. It was a perfect testimony. To sum it up, i was entertained; that's what i expect from a movie and that's what i got.

Evolution.

Few days back, I had an argument with one of my batch mates. The argument was about evolution; it's hard to believe an educated fellow would rubbish evolution just like that, though i wish i could have argued better to convince him. My point was the need for GOD to explain our existence is meaningless. We don't need a magic hand to explain things we don't understand but we need patience and an open mind. His argument was that evolution is baseless it doesn't explain anything. My statements failed to have any effect on him nor did his have any on me. He thought i needed enlightenment in karmic truths whereas i thought he just needed to read more.

A month before, my professor was talking on the same subject. The discussion had ended when i asked him the question, "Sir, do you believe in a personal God?". He wanted the answer to be confidential and hence i am not writing it here. He gave some nice insights into the science of belief - why humans look up to an impersonal God because they are fed up with their personal affairs. At the end he asked me what my stance is. "I am an atheist sir, i would love it if i have only myself to blame for my failures and not believe that i didn't pray enough", i replied. Of course, agnostics don't believe in a personal God - A God who keeps track of your daily routine - either. But i personally see there is no reason why i should pray to someone whose existence i see no proof of.

Last night i had another long argument with G over evolution. Not on God but on the extent to which I stretch my evolutionary agenda. We were discussing how a woman is thrust into a different family after her marriage. "You guys have it easy, its we who have to adjust in a different family. Why is it not the other way round?", a rueful G said. For which i replied, "Actually there is evolution playing here- culture made us a patriarchal society and practicing the custom for thousands of years mutated our genes into following the same custom over the years". The reaction i got for what i said was a strong outburst one can expect from a staunch feminist facing a chauvinist. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? wha..wha..whaaaaaaaat? there is no gene imprinting here, it is just a custom which nobody questioned or dare go against. You always shift the blame away from society, don't justify the bloody custom". Her little tirade against me, i felt, was unjustified because i always i felt i was not a chauvinist but a feminist - at least acted like one - and i justified saying,"i am not saying we should follow the custom blindly. I personally feel expecting a girl to move to her in-laws is unjust. I am against it. All I'm saying is, because we've followed that tradition for thousands of years, our genes have evolved to follow it. We all have the tendency to push our daughters out. The tendency, how feeble it may be, is in our blood. It's just a tendency and counteracting it is as easy as opposing any of the other thousand tendencies a human being could have." More justification followed -"There are species in which males move out of their families and there are other species like gorillas where females move out of families. In the same way, humans evolved such that females move out". By the way, this happens for genetic mixing. In lions, young males move out of their prides and join other prides. In gorillas, the females move out and mix with some other family. What followed was more debate on whether there is any science to understanding the human customs. I say it is science while she says it is sociology - not a science. The question of a hard evidence came up wherein she argues there is no evidence to what i said. Human tailbone disappeared over thousands of years because there was no use for it - that is genetic mutation. What i was arguing for had no hard evidence. Finally we stopped arguing after agreeing that we both would search it up and find evidence for genetic imprinting of customs.

Evolution is not fair. Evolution favours those who develop the knack of surviving at any cost. There are evolutionary justifications to greed, treachery, deceit and all the other flaws of human nature. We all developed these traits because these are the qualities which helped men defeat others in the race of wealth, health and reproduction. A Pleistocene era man could survive better if he could fool another man and sleeping with his wife or stealing his meat. There are many such examples taking which one could argue successfully that a cheating man would have lead a better life. Of course, in the modern society one may live peacefully without ever having to cheat but one can't deny the impulses that are within us, formed for hundreds of centuries. Modern society invented God, morals and ethics to suppress these very impulses - in the quest for establishing an ideal society where things exist in harmony and people don't hurt each other. I don't know how much we succeeded in establishing one but those who observe the Indian political system know one thing - power rests in the hands of those who are the most deceitful of all human beings; not with those who are the most deserving.

If ever i have a kid who comes up to me and asks, "Dad, is there God? Would he punish me if I'm dishonest?". I would reply, "Kiddo, make up your own mind. Observe the world yourself. Don't ever follow anybody else because nothing that anybody utters in this world is an unquestionable truth. Don't follow me either. I have a set of beliefs which themselves keep changing from time to time but i don't admit that i was ever wrong. I just stuck to what i believed at that particular time. I believe there is no God. I don't need the fear of a punishing hell to do good to others. If I help somebody it would just be because of the pleasure i would gain by helping that person. Ultimately choose a lifestyle for yourself based on your own perspective of life."

Dreams - 4.

This post is a part of my Dreams Series ....

My dad and myself are walking on a road that looked remarkably similar to marine drive in Bombay. I was walking in front of my dad, both us are carrying something in plastic bags. Waves were hitting the walls at full force but the sea was generally calm. I shouted to my dad to walk quickly as it was getting dark. We not step on a long, narrow bridge on the river ganga that has no side walls. We both start walking casually, not at all afraid of the water, that stretched till horizon. The bridge was at a good height and i look down once and look at my father who has picked up his pace and gaining on me. The moment he approaches me dolphins suddenly start jumping all around us moving towards the end of the bridge from which we started. The sudden frenzy caught both us unawares and i get scared out of my wits. I cling to one of the poles and my dad shouts at me, "what the heck have you done?", for which i answer, "I didn't do anything!". Now there is rain, torrential rain, and more dolphins. A tiny dolphin jumps on the bridge near me and i push it back into the water. Now something incredible happened, a weird dolphin, that had a pig-like snout, stops mid-air and looks at me. The frame is freezed and i see the scene of the dolphin observing me as a third person, above both of them. The dolphin jumps back into the river and again the dream is a first-person experience. My dad and myself decide to head back to the start of the bridge but as we approach it see water from the sea flooding the entire place and now coming towards us in full force. My dad who's ahead of me starts running towards me. The End.

Explanation: My dad never walks slower than me, he's always in front me shouting at me to walk fast. So in my dream my subconscious mind got back at him, made him slower.
In the current book that I'm reading, the red queen, the author writes about a certain kind of bottlenose dolphins, from the pacific, which have three times as big a brain as those of dolphins found in the river ganga. When i read that i wondered that ganga has dolphins in it. That's how in my dream i saw dolphins jumping in the river ganga and the one particular one which stares at me has a weird nose!
Can't explain the storm. Large water bodies always bring the images of thunder storms; may be. I've never been to marine drive by the way.

Acid Attack.

“For years I've regarded (Nixon’s) very existence as a monument to all the rancid genes and broken chromosomes that corrupt the possibilities of the American Dream; he was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad. I couldn't imagine him laughing at anything except maybe a paraplegic who wanted to vote Democratic but couldn't quite reach the lever on the voting machine.”
This was written by the late journalist Hunter Thompson on Richard Nixon, former president of the US. It is undoubtedly one of the most vitriolic pieces of writing I've ever read in my life.

Source: William Buckley's tribute to Thompson.

Dreams - 3.

This post is a part of my Dreams Series ....

I'm a part of the NFS game and riding a porsche cayenne. In fact when i think of it I was actually riding a boxster but in the dream i was referring to the car as a cayenne. I was playing a double role - i was the driver as well as the guy playing the game on his xbox. I was switching between both the point of views. G was also in the car along with me. I was driving along dangerous curves on a ghat road and in one particular stunt i jump from one mountain to another. While in the air G keeps shouting, "We won't make it" while i keep re-assuring, "Yes we would!". I make a perfect landing but find out i've reached an illegal part of the map and my car's transported to the start of the race. This time i reach a playground and my porsche is atop a swing. By this time i no longer am the driver but just the player playing the game. I keep moving the joystick but the car is stuck. G is nowhere to be seen.

Acknowledgement.

I realised the only part i enjoyed writing in my thesis was the 'Acknowledgement'. I read some sample acknowledgments in theses freely available on the net. Inspired, this is what i wrote in mine -

Dear all friends and relatives from which i got to know about IIIT, i hate you all, from the bottom of my cold heart. If not for you i would have never joined this damned place. Dear Mr. ***, why did you have to select me on the day of the ill-fated interview. If you had correctly assessed my capabilities of using a bloody computer you would have saved some 2 lakhs or so that IIIT spends on each MS student and i would have learnt to cultivate some god-damned crop for my living. Now i am good for nothing - neither i can code nor can i be a farmer. Should i beg in front of your door daily?

Respected sir, Dr. **, why did you join me in your lab? Because you had no students or did you miss a clerk in your lab? Working under you was a pain. I can't forget the days when you forgot the basic difference between a donkey and your student. If there is a concept of after-life then i would wish to be your guide in my next life and give you a dose of your own medicine.

All my researcher friends from IIIT, i hate you too. I hate all the days when you made me green with envy reciting your success stories. So what if you you had published a paper in the top-most conference? I'll wipe my *** with it if you make me listen to you again. I mean it. Though i love to see your green faces when i talk about my papers. I hated all the discussions about research and never followed any of the advises you gave me. Losers, you couldn't even tell my phony reactions and 'mm-hmms'.

Three cheers to my other friends from whom i picked up the habit of drinking, smoking and doping. Life's true meaning, i learnt it from you guys. God bless you and may your sons and daughters follow our footsteps. Can't forget the nights when we were high and bashed up the security in front of the girl's hostel. Can't forget the nights when we stole peripherals from the comp labs, peed in front of the Director's house, teased girls, drove in a drunken state, knocked the doors of unsuspecting neighbors and ran away, vomited on the corridors and slept on the floors. Would miss it all. Love you all buggers.

Bitch - the one word i reserve for my girl-friend. Always nagging and melodramatic. Never allowed me to concentrate on whatever little research i tried to squeeze out of my busy schedule. A moment of peace has become so rare in my life thanks to her. My wallet, my bank account and my skull - all have been driven empty trying to satisfy her whims. Curse the day when i met her. Bitch.

I would love to thank the librarian of IIIT for storing all the novels which helped me stay for more than 1000 days in this researcher-haunted place. Thanks for all the downloaders who downloaded all the movies ,of all types- if you know what i mean. Finally i thank God - you helped me stay here and lose all faith in you. I dedicate my thesis to all you sinners, may your souls rot in hell.

PS: I wrote the above post just as a spoof. None of the stuff reflect what i really have in my mind and what i really wrote in my thesis. I love my friends and I respect my prof the most. Love IIIT and everything that's related to it. These three years, that i spent here, have been the best so far in my life. What i wrote is purely fictious. I just tried to fit into the shoes of a demented frustrated researcher and write a fictious account. After writing, i felt people might actually get offended thinking it as a true confession. Please don't have any such wrong notions.

Himalayan Trek.

I went on a 10-day trekking expedition to the Himalayas; chanderkhani range to be specific. Here's what i wrote in my journal at the end of each of the ten superbly spent days.

Day Zero: Delhi
We got down from our train to Delhi from Hyderabad and after a little argument we checked into a hotel near the station to take bath. After a couple of hours we headed back to the station from where the trekking organizers were to pick us up for our next stop. After lunch, at ridiculous prices in a little restaurant, we boarded the bus which was to take us to the base camp. Saw the excited faces of all my fellow trekkers in the bus. For dinner, the bus stopped at a posh-looking resto and we hogged at the free buffet.

Day One: Camp Chhaki
It's 10:15 in the night and I'm trying hard to sleep in this strange sleeping bag that has been provided while the people in the other tents are fighting over antakshari. For once in my life I'm cursing myself for not being deaf.

The day had started when i woke up in my seat in the vintage bus. The scenes outside were breathtaking, the river flowing at full sped, high-rising mountains, apricot trees, snow-capped mountains and the faces of my sleep-deprived friends. We got down for a small break - some had to empty their bladders while others had to have their morning round of caffeine. The view that greeted us at the back of the coffee shop was one to savor; the river flowing in between the huge mountains gave us a glimpse of what this place would offer us in the coming few days.

We finally reached the base camp after an arduous journey of 19 hours. It was tiresome to say the least. As soon we entered the base camp multi-colored tents greeted us. I was excited, only till they pointed out the loo - a tent as well. As soon as i occupied my tent i rushed to the loo, wearing my bunny slippers and a towel, to relieve myself of the immense pressure that had been building up. It was muddy and my white woolly bunny slippers immediately changed color to brown. Laughing to myself i ventured into one of the three little tents. It was slippery, swear to lord it was but i somehow managed to enter unscathed. Finished my job and stepped outside. THUD! No points for guessing what happened. A little scan revealed nobody was watching me. Encouraged, i got up as fast as i could, ran away only to find there was mud all over my slippers, towel and me. My first tantrum of the tour - 'I miss my bloody hostel, i miss the bloody bathrooms in it, i want to go BACK!'. Oh almighty, if i had ever complained about the bathrooms being smelly, i take back, will not complain ever again, EVER. Home. After a while i regained my senses and ate my breakfast. Shared my tragic experience with G causing her to shed tears - out of laughter. So much for humanity. The paranthas being served at breakfast cheered me up. I forgot my little fiasco and gulped down four of them...with butter.

We were taken to the site of repelling reaching which was tiring in itself. Repelling was fun though i got scared for my life during the starting few minutes. The walk back, down hill, was casual and easy. I was walking down with extra energy. THUD! Tsshhh..Tsshhh..Tsshhh! Yayy, i fell down again. Curse my luck, my dad's Ray-Ban was happily rotating on a rock and finally rested after god knows how many scratches. This time i couldn't escape from anyone's gaze. Learned my first moral - 'Fate is never without a sense of irony'.

Person 1: you fine?
Me: me fine, thank you.
Person 2: fine?
Me: yes buddy.
.
.
.
Person n: you okay?
Me: Holy *%$&, Mother of all &@**(&^, Thundering %##$@!
Person n+1: fine?
Me: Oh great, you saw me too?

Returned to base camp and had a great lunch, hogged on paranthas again. Slept for a while and again started for our next adventure hoping this time i wouldn't add any adventure to it from my own side. God must have listened. We went to the river, a place where the current was fast. We were supposed to cross the river using the monkey crawling technique. The river looked exotic - white water. The guide gave us instructions on how to pull ourselves over the rope using the pulley. Everybody was doing it swiftly but G warned me that it would be tough for fat people. The warning, as always in my case, fell on deaf ears. My turn came; i was tied to the rope and i started pulling myself. An advice - all fat people, monkey crawling ain't made for us. Dear readers, i wouldn't expand more on that subject. After the eye-opening experience G, S & me removed our shoes and entered the water. The cold gushing water felt great. Spent a lot of time there and started back to our camp. On the way G pointed out to some of the fruits growing on road side and said they would taste great. Ate them skeptically only to agree with her. Back at the camp dinner was served and i had the best gulab jamun i ever ate in my life. Had a nice conversation with G, one of the wonderful many i have these days with her.

Finally the singing has stopped and I'm slipping into my sleeping bag. Hope there are no surprises waiting in it for me. I feel something slimy inside!

Day Two: Camp Rumzu
11:35 AM: Reached Camp one, situated in a village called Rumzu, at a height of 6000ft. The trek was long and hard; waled on mud, gravel, slippery rocks, pointed rocks, dried up streams, fresh flowers and mule shit. We were advised not to disturb the local people much and not to enter their temples. Banned for us.

Last night, i kept on getting images about me falling from hills, mountains, valleys, rocks. Guess, I'm developing a phobia for heights especially after i realized the grip underneath my shoes is coming off in layers. Prayed to almighty, "Oh dear lord, i want to survive till my first honeymoon at least." Not an atheist anymore! Chilly winds had woken me up at 4am. Cursed myself for not wearing a sweater as the sleeping bag was open at the neck and my chest was taking the brunt of the chill. The genius in me tried to put both hands inside the bag. It failed and how. I suddenly found myself stuck hopelessly inside. After a few minutes of struggle and aching arms i freed myself. The houdini act! Slept again.

Had woken up at 7am. Cold water, 'Why the #$%@ didn't i bring toilet paper!' With great difficulty i put my hand under the pipe, brushing my teeth now. No bath for 10 days, at least had to wash my face properly. Oh to hell with it, i got my deo. A splash of water, a micro ounce of soap and i finished my morning ablutions. 'Breakfast, here i come.' Put on my best dress, my Ray-Ban and flaunted it all in front of G & S. Excited, we started for our first trek uphill.

10:15 PM: My pen is refusing to write and the singers at the diminishing bonfire are refusing to sleep. People enjoyed singing around the fire while i was observing them from a distance. Taking warmth from the fire in the cold weather felt great. Amused myself by trying to guess the nature and personality of each and every member of the group - rich kid, bored wife, pampered brat etc etc. Stupid, me.

Today was less adventurous and more romantic compared to yesterday. The scenery, G, S & me discovered, a little away from the camp-site was out of this world. Watching it from under an umbrella in the rain made it look even more beautiful. Thought to myself i could spend the entire day here itself.

In the evening, we went out to collect firewood from the village, the walk led us to more beautiful valleys and flowing water. There at a distance we saw a majestic mountain covered with snow, wished it was our ultimate destination. When the guide confirmed this my joy new no bounds, imagined myself walking and playing in the snow. Smiled. We were greeted back with tomato soup. G, S & me sat with the soup cups in our hands at the place we discovered in the morning. Watching the huge mountains brought up my senses like no other scene would. It was the best soup i ever tasted.

Day Three: Camp 2, Middle of a Jungle
Had a nice sleep yesterday night though i had slept with a headache attributed to altitude sickness. Woke up fresh to hot coffee, tasty vadas and half-cooked idlis. Dad would be bewildered to see me waking up so early each day. Started on our trek for camp 2, hoping it would be as simple as yesterday's but when have outcomes ever met expectations. It was the most difficult physical task i had ever done; the climb was steep, long and gruesome.

The first few minutes of the trek was indicative of what was going to come. As the trek progressed, so did the the slope. Every calories of the breakfast got burnt and each step seemed to be the last of my life. The only motivation was the fact that I'm burning some fat. We entered a jungle and the sight of lush green everywhere pushed me on. Tall trees, weird flowers and strange insects. Just when i thought i wouldn't be able to move any longer a nice surprise greeted us; nowhere in the middle of the jungle a chinki put shop selling cold drinks, chocolates, gum, omelet, noodles etc etc. We couldn't ask for more. hogged on a couple of drinks and a couple of kit-kats. Refreshed, we resumed our strenuous task. After exactly four hours of the exasperating trek we reached camp2, located on a beautiful grassland, full of mule shit but surrounded by mountains on one side and tall beautiful trees on the other with a stream flowing in the middle of it.

After lunch, everybody headed back to their tents and for the first time S & me shared a tent with the rest of the hyderabadi gang. There was laughter every moment and my already aching stomach muscles had a tough time moving in and out. We played cards. After a while we three snobs ventured into the forest. We used S's compass to check out the direction of the camp-site so that we wouldn't get lost if go deep into the forest. Forest was full of strange shrubs and insects. It felt serene. Took some great shots for my standards. The jungle was full of strange calls and the worst crow caw i had ever heard. As soon as i had thought in my mind i heard tup sound on back. Me: 'Hey G i heard a sound behind my back, check out my jacket if something fell on it'. G: 'He he he he heeee, bird shit!'. Me: '#$%#$%#$$% birds'

All the guys started playing volleyball while i sat at the fireplace. Till today i thought my ultimate destination was the snow point but today i realized this journey is more than enough for my senses to be satisfied. Dinner was served early. Watching vapour coming out of our mouths excited me and reminded me how cold it would get in the night. Right now i'm in my tent, rain pouring heavily outside and me shivering inside. Gloves, socks, sweater, jacket, monkey cap - life's amazing here.

Day Four: Camp 3, In the Clouds
After four days and three nights i finally decided it's time to change my inners. No, I'm not disgusting, i at least changed; camp leader at the base camp suggested not to take any spare inners at all so that our luggage would be light and trekking wouldn't be hard as a result. Decided not to near him again or any other camp leader for that matter. Still no bath. Himalayas.

Washed my hair with soap, felt fresh. Had pav-bhaji for breakfast, wasn't impressed. We were informed that today's trek would be much more arduous. Crying, i started on the trek. The initial half-hour is always hard as the blood flow has to pick up pace in that period, once the blood is in full flow it wouldn't be that hard. Intermittent breaks helped and i found a nice staff to help me climb better. Started walking as if i was Gandalf the wizard minus the charisma of course.

Panting and tired we reached camp 3. It was cold and the Himalayan range looked closer than ever. Clouds were just hovering above us. The entire setting looked out of this world. Suddenly, the clouds which were at a distance started towards us and before we realized we were in the clouds. My first in-the-clouds experience.It started raining and we ran into our tents. Again the laughter and cards. Lunch wasn't great but coffee was. Took rest for a while and then we went to collect firewood; Some collected huge logs and others lots of figs while some just swung their hands (no points for guessing who).

While everybody was trying to light up the damp firewood G & me, on my insistence, went to explore the surroundings, especially the stream that was flowing near the camp. It was clear but suddenly the clouds were there wetting us. It couldn't be any better...flowing water, blooming flowers, colorful lichens, shapely rocks. It started raining and G went back to the camp while i stayed back observing things from under my umbrella. Again became a nature photographer. Solitude seldom brings peace to the mind, but this solitude was different. I was at peace with everything, i wasn't worrying about anything in this world. I just kept admiring nature, in its best form.

Hot mushroom was being served in the drizzle when i returned to the camp, had at least five servings of it. Hot soup, in the clouds, at 10000 ft, in front of bonfire. Bliss. It started raining heavily and G shouted, "Look it's a hail storm!". It was indeed raining hail - again a first for me. Tried standing in the middle for a while but the wind and rain got too much for me and i ran into my tent. I declared to my lazing friends inside that it's a hail storm.

Dinner was served early at 6:45 PM and sun hadn't even set by then. Had a very light dinner, paranthas are no longer are exciting. Tomorrow we trek to chanderkhani range - snow point - Himalayas here i come.

Day Five: Snow Time

It was a beautiful clear morning, complete contrast with the previous day. Chanderkhani pass was visible from the camp site. The clouds which had covered the magnificent mountain had disappeared giving us the perfect view of what we are going to scale in a couple of hours. We were warned that if the weather isn't good on the mountain then we wouldn't be able to spend any time there much like what the previous batch of trekkers underwent. The clear morning gave us hope.

We left our bags at the camp and started as we would be coming back to the same camp after we finish our tryst with snow. The path was beautiful and risky, the last half hour of which was on rocks covered with melting snow mixed with mud.

It was breathtaking to see so much snow for the first time in my life. Slipping, sliding and falling i kept moving to the top at my own pace. Mid way i realized reaching the top would exhaust me completely and hence settled down to play in the snow there itself. Did the usual snow-ball fight but the best part was sliding down from top to bottom. We put polythene covers under our asses and slid; there was ice in shoes, socks, gloves and undie. Fun. Serious fun. Kept on sliding till there was energy to climb again.

Tired, we started on our trek down hill. This time the journey was boring and tiresome. Spent some solitary time at a stream. Hearing the sound of splashing water, cold and crystal clear, was soothing. We filled up our bottles from the stream - this has been the norm of the trip, no filters or coolers, water from the stream for washing or drinking. Shivudu was saying he saw TATA mineral water tankers coming and filling water from the streams. Sitting there, i started thinking about everything. Couldn't help but think about the reality that's waiting for me back home. Nobody can escape from their life. "This is just a vacation, vishy", i thought. My epiphany made me sad. My second tantrum of the trip - "I don't want to go home, i want to stay in the Himalayas, forever!".

After reaching the camp, my legs started aching badly. Started complaining with everyone about it. Babji, the saint he is, offered to give me and the other whiner in the tent, Shivudu, a foot massage. My legs got the perfect foot massage for about 30 minutes - 30 minutes of sheer pleasure. Thought of naming one of my kids after Babji but recanted after he stopped massaging. Night was dark and foggy. We were joined by a big group of hyderabadi children. Trekking is catching up with people, i thought.

Day Six: First Trek Down
Had a nice sleep yesterday night as usual. Slept wearing every wollen piece of clothing i had and i tried to fit every inch of my body inside the sleeping bag; the sleeping bags being bigger than those provided in the base camp helped my cause. I was surprised to find the mobiles of all my friends within network's reach. Cursed myself for leaving my mobile at the base camp thinking vodafone's 'wherever you go we follow' was just gibberish. Got impatient to fin out who won the previous night's champion's league final; asked Raja, with a postpaid mobile, to call any of his friends to find out. My joy new no bounds when i heard Manchester United won, albeit on penalties.

Trekking down was very harsh on our toes. Balancing myself at every step countering gravity was a pain. The chances of slipping were also greater than it is while trekking uphill. By the time i reached camp 4 my thighs, calf and toes were all aching badly. Camp 4 was situated on a plateau in the middle of a forest. The camp leader introduced himself and announced that we could play cricket in the evening. The announcement was followed by loud cheers from all of us. Cricket at 6000 ft.

Drank a lot of rasna, ate a lot of food and had lots of sleep in the afternoon. Woke up to the camp leader's call to get ready for spider netting. Saw a couple of my friends attempting and succeeding at scaling the net by balancing themselves on their toes. I gave a glance at my own aching toes and thought to myself, "i love my toes". No netting for me. Waited patiently for everyone to finish their adventure while i thought about the impending cricket match. We all had a nice cup of tea and walked towards the pitch; it was ridiculous - a nice flat pitch made on the slope of a hill. A little nudge on the leg slide would keep fielders like me busy the entire day as the ball would keep rolling down and so i announced, "me, wicketkeeper!". The match was fun; I batted while G bowled, nice! There were few 10-min breaks as expected - to find lost balls. Pity, we had to stop the match in the middle as a heavy rain lashed out. We ran into our tents and started playing cards, laughter followed as usual.

It was pitch black in the night; fog invaded the camp. The entire setting was right out of a horror movie, or so i thought. At dinner everybody was out with their torches beaming. The loo was far and my bladder was full. '@#%$ it' i though and headed for the nearby trees. Minerals, they need it. And so i ventured into the woods with crazy thoughts in my mind - every horror movie has a juvenile who goes separately from the group to either pee or kiss his girl; he inevitably gets killed by a freak accident or a psychopathic killer. Suddenly my survival instincts overshadowed the urge to relieve myself. Gathering my courage, i went ahead and completed what i had set out for. President's medal for bravery - i deserve it.

Day Seven: Back to Base Camp
Not an eventful day going by the standards set by the previous six days. Getting to the base camp was a pain - a really long walk for 5 hours. Nothing new about the journey, beautiful valleys, giant mountains, wild fruits, waterfalls, rocks, mud etc. Everybody, tired, slept as soon as they reached the tents. I quickly went and got my cell phone, called up my mom after a long time and told her about all my advetures. For lunch everybody had to drag themselves from sleep, i ate very little and slept back. My hyderabadi gang went to the river to take bath, i opted to stay back and sleep thinking a few more days of dirt would do no harm, who needs a bath anyway! In the evening, G, S & me went to the river and spent a lot of time there. S wanted to explore upstream but i saw too many people have downloaded on the rocks, couldn't stand it and so i stayed back while he went ahead with his exploration. He returned with some great shots of the river. It rained heavily in the night and water seeped into the tents, realised that only in the morning - so sound was my sleep.

Day Eight: Manali
Dirty unwashed unruffled hair, muddy clothes, full grown beard, sun-burnt skin - i couldn't have been more goon-like. I was still yet to see myself in a mirror, got the input from others, mostly G. Looks ain't important, i justified. Today our itinerary included a trip to manali, where we were free to do what we wanted to till 5pm by which we were supposed board the bus to Delhi. After few parting photographs we started for manali in a local bus.

We were dropped at the main Manali market, a very busy place, mostly honeymooners with fresh mehndi and maathe pe huge sindur proud of the recent event in their life, huge families with little kids pleading for an ice-cream, local youngsters checking out pretty girls, confused hippie foreigners carrying huge rucksacks, poor street vendors selling fruits, dry fruits, toys etc, bored husbands accompanying their middle-aged wifes busy buying wollens. Every group went on their own way and we three started exploring one segment of the market, the food one. I searched for the Gujju restaurant in which me and my father ate 14 years back when we visited Manali then. I succeeded in finding it and i dragged both of them bragging about how good the food will be there. Like i already have mentioned, when have outcomes ever met expectations; I labored to eat while S gave up in the middle.
Refreshed, or so we thought, we headed towards the main shopping complexes. Bought anjeer, almonds, kafal, strawberries and two boxes of cherries to carry back home. We shopped for some wollens and i bought a button knife for my dad, nice murderous family ours. G suddenly set her sights on a flute vendor, i bought one as well. We finally joined with the rest of the group when it was time for the bus. So after eight days we finally prepared ourselves to bid goodbye to the mountains and valleys. It was sad but i guess people already had started longing for their homes by then. Home is still home. It was the same vintage bus which took us to Manali from Delhi, now it would take us to Delhi. Some of the people bought shawls at Trishala, kulu for their mothers and aunts. Dinner, again rotis, was getting really monotonous, i longed for rice, avakaya, sambar and curd. Mmmmm.

Day Nine: Delhi, Back to Civilised life
Took bath. Thanks to kushal, one of my fellow trekkers, who took the 11 of us hyderabadis to his dad's office where we could freshen up. Told my friends that i would return in just five minutes as i would just wash my face and not take a bath. Seeing a proper bathroom after so many days made me change my decision, 'I'm taking a BATH!'. Poor bathroom; I saw dirty water flowing in gallons off my body, 15 minutes into the bath and still no sign of the dirt reducing. Never did i feel so good after a bath in my life, must have offloaded god knows how many kgs of dirt. One by one all my friends took a bath and made the conference room of his dad's office the dressing room.

Fresh, we went to connaught place for shopping and food. We all went to saravana bhavan on my suggestion, put on our bags and readied ourselves to eat and how. Everybody ordered thali, south Indian. After my plate was brought i didn't talk or lift my head till i finished eating the last grain of rice. "Hey G, this is food", i announced with glee. She said she never saw a more contended face. After the pet pooja we set out to do some shopping but alas it was a sunday, most of the shops were closed but a few were open. I took out my flute and started my best tunes - not many people woul agree with that, in fact some would say i was irritating them but all these people need a class in music appreciation. The best part was when Babji and me did a mock begging act on the streets of Delhi, we stopped at the request of my other friends once the Delhi shoppers started giving us serious attention. I bought a different kind of flute this time along with Shivudu, i'll be the next big flutist of India, yayy! Accompanied G for her shopping while my bored friends started whining and so we went to the station, a full 2 hours before the train was to arrive at the station. The station was full of people, only a little space was left for standing. Bored, i ventured out and explored Delhi, especially one place. The train journey was long; read magazines, read my book, played scrabble & cards, played flute, drank gallons of water, ate little and slept little. Back Hyderabad, Home.

Here's the link to the complete album: Trekking Pics