Acknowledgement.

I realised the only part i enjoyed writing in my thesis was the 'Acknowledgement'. I read some sample acknowledgments in theses freely available on the net. Inspired, this is what i wrote in mine -

Dear all friends and relatives from which i got to know about IIIT, i hate you all, from the bottom of my cold heart. If not for you i would have never joined this damned place. Dear Mr. ***, why did you have to select me on the day of the ill-fated interview. If you had correctly assessed my capabilities of using a bloody computer you would have saved some 2 lakhs or so that IIIT spends on each MS student and i would have learnt to cultivate some god-damned crop for my living. Now i am good for nothing - neither i can code nor can i be a farmer. Should i beg in front of your door daily?

Respected sir, Dr. **, why did you join me in your lab? Because you had no students or did you miss a clerk in your lab? Working under you was a pain. I can't forget the days when you forgot the basic difference between a donkey and your student. If there is a concept of after-life then i would wish to be your guide in my next life and give you a dose of your own medicine.

All my researcher friends from IIIT, i hate you too. I hate all the days when you made me green with envy reciting your success stories. So what if you you had published a paper in the top-most conference? I'll wipe my *** with it if you make me listen to you again. I mean it. Though i love to see your green faces when i talk about my papers. I hated all the discussions about research and never followed any of the advises you gave me. Losers, you couldn't even tell my phony reactions and 'mm-hmms'.

Three cheers to my other friends from whom i picked up the habit of drinking, smoking and doping. Life's true meaning, i learnt it from you guys. God bless you and may your sons and daughters follow our footsteps. Can't forget the nights when we were high and bashed up the security in front of the girl's hostel. Can't forget the nights when we stole peripherals from the comp labs, peed in front of the Director's house, teased girls, drove in a drunken state, knocked the doors of unsuspecting neighbors and ran away, vomited on the corridors and slept on the floors. Would miss it all. Love you all buggers.

Bitch - the one word i reserve for my girl-friend. Always nagging and melodramatic. Never allowed me to concentrate on whatever little research i tried to squeeze out of my busy schedule. A moment of peace has become so rare in my life thanks to her. My wallet, my bank account and my skull - all have been driven empty trying to satisfy her whims. Curse the day when i met her. Bitch.

I would love to thank the librarian of IIIT for storing all the novels which helped me stay for more than 1000 days in this researcher-haunted place. Thanks for all the downloaders who downloaded all the movies ,of all types- if you know what i mean. Finally i thank God - you helped me stay here and lose all faith in you. I dedicate my thesis to all you sinners, may your souls rot in hell.

PS: I wrote the above post just as a spoof. None of the stuff reflect what i really have in my mind and what i really wrote in my thesis. I love my friends and I respect my prof the most. Love IIIT and everything that's related to it. These three years, that i spent here, have been the best so far in my life. What i wrote is purely fictious. I just tried to fit into the shoes of a demented frustrated researcher and write a fictious account. After writing, i felt people might actually get offended thinking it as a true confession. Please don't have any such wrong notions.